In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
