Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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