I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
