Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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