it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
