hell yes lets make some ravioli
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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