i think my mom watched the whole time
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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