please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
