my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
