You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
