bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
