just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
