I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
