he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
