guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
