Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
