I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
