Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
we're making bets on your personal life
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
