Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
