for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You ruined the universe
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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