I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
