Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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