When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
