can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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