I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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