we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
