if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
