I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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