I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
