i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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