I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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