just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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