He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
