I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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