I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
