I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
