Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
