Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
