Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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