Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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