and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The uberlube is also flammable
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
