I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
