I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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