I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
