I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
