Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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