you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
