Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
