I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
In America we eat man semen.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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