Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  wait.... you do what?

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  (801): see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks (1-801): wait.... you do what? http://tfl.nu/1q1g
  Replies (18) Good night (3655) Bad night (995)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie

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  (828): you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie http://tfl.nu/vbyw
  Replies (36) Good night (6226) Bad night (1558)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.

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  (720): i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out. http://tfl.nu/xm4r
  Replies (13) Good night (3904) Bad night (1452)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.

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  (717): Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that. http://tfl.nu/aa8o
  Replies (4) Good night (1659) Bad night (813)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...

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  (734): You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part... http://tfl.nu/5hsp
  Replies (2) Good night (1042) Bad night (665)
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  (619): View more from California

  No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.

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  (619): No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch. http://tfl.nu/4axa
  Replies (6) Good night (3335) Bad night (744)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out

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  (609): So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out http://tfl.nu/p08d
  Replies (12) Good night (1372) Bad night (602)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.

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  (651): Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen. http://tfl.nu/o1qk
  Replies (2) Good night (485) Bad night (916)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.

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  (239): Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows. http://tfl.nu/ni5n
  Replies (7) Good night (641) Bad night (398)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.

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  (614): Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission. http://tfl.nu/x97b
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (657)
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  (805): View more from California

  It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs

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  (805): It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs http://tfl.nu/6q0t
  Replies (3) Good night (660) Bad night (301)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  My boob is missing a layer of skin

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  (870): My boob is missing a layer of skin http://tfl.nu/09nj
  Replies (8) Good night (408) Bad night (998)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?

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  (970): He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner? http://tfl.nu/fpx9
  Replies (4) Good night (956) Bad night (519)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...

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  (706): My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me... http://tfl.nu/ef1y
  Replies (4) Good night (269) Bad night (571)
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  (941): View more from Florida

  Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family

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  (941): Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family http://tfl.nu/nbvk
  Replies (1) Good night (252) Bad night (471)

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