plz talk dirty to me
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
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So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT