so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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