We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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