I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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