Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize