I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..