can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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