Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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