Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
