I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
