Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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