Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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