Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
