sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
