just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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