you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
