I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
