I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
