I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
