holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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