So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I FOUND THE LEGS
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
