he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
two words: eviction party
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
