dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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