i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize