i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
