I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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