About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
