so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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