On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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