Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
