how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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