No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
