I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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