Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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